So we get this email at work saying how we should all be answering the phone “hello, bonjour” so when people call us they know they can speak French if they want to, because THAT IS THEIR RIGHT. Even if we don’t speak French, in which case, and I quote: “‘un moment s’il vous plaît’ pronounced ‘uhn mowman seal voo play’ would be sufficient in order to transfer the client to a bilingual staff.” Can we talk about the super special phonetics there?
You know what is terrible etiquette and also fucking stupid? Answering the phone pretending you can speak French. The poor schmuck on the other end starts talking away in French and then you rudely INTERRUPT him to say “one moment please” in a French so mangled and ridiculous dude assumes you’re on bath salts. So now he knows he may as well have been talking to a wall and that you were completely checked out and pretended to speak French when you really couldn’t. He feels annoyed and embarrassed and he thinks you’re a fucking numbskull. And now you’ve put him on hold to go find the imaginary person who speaks French and then for another ten minutes while you try to figure out how to transfer a call, all the while he’s yelling into the phone “I SPEAK ENGLISH, MOTHER FUCKERS” while he waits for you to find that person who, while they speak French, has no fucking clue about anything to do with your job and thus will not be able to answer any of his questions, but at least they will be able to be confused and useless IN FRENCH. Finally, exasperated, he mutters “this is fucking merde” and hangs up the phone.
GREAT PLAN. What about my right to NOT LOOK LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT.