March 1, 2013 • 53,113 notes • koolaidclitoris
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: koolaidclitoris: OKAY SO LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE SHITTIEST COOKIE RECIPE ON THIS GOD FORSAKEN ROCK WE CALL A MOTHERFUCKING PLANET. So Ghiradelli, who was once a beloved and trusted name in my household, gave a chocolate chip cookie recipe on the back of their chocolate chip bag. Innocent baking fun, right? NO! ASSFUCKING WRONG! I did not deviate from their instructions because I trusted this demon possessed chocolate connoisseur of evil intentions and broken dreams. I HAD THEIR SHIT FUCK EGGS AND THEIR GODDAMN BAKING SODA! BUT IT DIDN’T MATTER! But I was still unaware as I prepped the betrayal dough to be put on the baking shit, like a lamb for slaughter. And I can remember, so clearly, me thinking “ungreased cooking sheet?” BECAUSE IT SAID UNGREASED BUT I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!! So I placed the balls of soon to be destruction and misery on the sheet and placed them in the oven. and waited. And then when I removed them from the oven THEY WERE MOTHERFUCKING PUDDLES ON THE MOTHER FUCKING PAN. I waited for them to cool, hoping they would come out in one piece and this monstrosity could be saved. But as I raised my spatula to slide the cookies out: pure carnage. IT WAS LIKE THESE ASS SHIT COOKIES WERE WELDED TO THIS SHEET! LIKE IT WAS TRYING TO REMOVE THE FUCKING SWORD FROM THE STONE! No cookie was spared. And this. THIS is what I have to live with now. My once baking innocent is shaddered, and I will never be the same, not since after the war. I can still hear the sound of the spatula scraping the sheet, constantly scraping  this is the angriest response to cookies i have ever seen Definitely worthy of my unreasonable rage.

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

koolaidclitoris:

OKAY SO LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE SHITTIEST COOKIE RECIPE ON THIS GOD FORSAKEN ROCK WE CALL A MOTHERFUCKING PLANET. So Ghiradelli, who was once a beloved and trusted name in my household, gave a chocolate chip cookie recipe on the back of their chocolate chip bag. Innocent baking fun, right? NO! ASSFUCKING WRONG! I did not deviate from their instructions because I trusted this demon possessed chocolate connoisseur of evil intentions and broken dreams. I HAD THEIR SHIT FUCK EGGS AND THEIR GODDAMN BAKING SODA! BUT IT DIDN’T MATTER! But I was still unaware as I prepped the betrayal dough to be put on the baking shit, like a lamb for slaughter. And I can remember, so clearly, me thinking “ungreased cooking sheet?” BECAUSE IT SAID UNGREASED BUT I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!! So I placed the balls of soon to be destruction and misery on the sheet and placed them in the oven. and waited. And then when I removed them from the oven THEY WERE MOTHERFUCKING PUDDLES ON THE MOTHER FUCKING PAN. I waited for them to cool, hoping they would come out in one piece and this monstrosity could be saved. But as I raised my spatula to slide the cookies out: pure carnage. IT WAS LIKE THESE ASS SHIT COOKIES WERE WELDED TO THIS SHEET! LIKE IT WAS TRYING TO REMOVE THE FUCKING SWORD FROM THE STONE! No cookie was spared. And this. THIS is what I have to live with now. My once baking innocent is shaddered, and I will never be the same, not since after the war. I can still hear the sound of the spatula scraping the sheet, constantly scraping 

this is the angriest response to cookies i have ever seen

Definitely worthy of my unreasonable rage.

(via chronical-sarcasm)

February 27, 2013 • 74,717 notes

altairyourhairoutbitch:

rebloggable by request

(via chronical-sarcasm)

February 21, 2013 • 151 notes • ilovecharts
ilovecharts: Hi, my name is Jason. I used to be good at blogging. Yes. Yes it does say “Pubic support.”

ilovecharts:

Hi, my name is Jason. I used to be good at blogging.

Yes. Yes it does say “Pubic support.”

February 21, 2013 • 421 notes • pewresearch
ilovecharts: Pubic Support pewresearch: From the USA TODAY front page this morning. Get the full story here. Uhhh… Is it just me, or does this post say “Pubic support”?

ilovecharts:

Pubic Support

pewresearch:

From the USA TODAY front page this morning. Get the full story here.

Uhhh… Is it just me, or does this post say “Pubic support”?

(via ilovecharts)

February 21, 2013

French rage

So we get this email at work saying how we should all be answering the phone “hello, bonjour” so when people call us they know they can speak French if they want to, because THAT IS THEIR RIGHT. Even if we don’t speak French, in which case, and I quote: “‘un moment s’il vous plaît’ pronounced ‘uhn mowman seal voo play’ would be sufficient in order to transfer the client to a bilingual staff.” Can we talk about the super special phonetics there?

You know what is terrible etiquette and also fucking stupid? Answering the phone pretending you can speak French. The poor schmuck on the other end starts talking away in French and then you rudely INTERRUPT him to say “one moment please” in a French so mangled and ridiculous dude assumes you’re on bath salts. So now he knows he may as well have been talking to a wall and that you were completely checked out and pretended to speak French when you really couldn’t. He feels annoyed and embarrassed and he thinks you’re a fucking numbskull. And now you’ve put him on hold to go find the imaginary person who speaks French and then for another ten minutes while you try to figure out how to transfer a call, all the while he’s yelling into the phone “I SPEAK ENGLISH, MOTHER FUCKERS” while he waits for you to find that person who, while they speak French, has no fucking clue about anything to do with your job and thus will not be able to answer any of his questions, but at least they will be able to be confused and useless IN FRENCH. Finally, exasperated, he mutters “this is fucking merde” and hangs up the phone.

GREAT PLAN. What about my right to NOT LOOK LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT.

February 20, 2013

McDonalds rage

The trashmonger next to me just ordered fries with five packages of mayonnaise. I’m totally judging her… as I wait for my two hamburgers, fries, and six Mcnuggets.

January 31, 2013

WIND RAGE. FUCK YOU FUCKING WIND. FUCK.

December 30, 2012

Mall Rage

Dear mall,

GET A FUCKING WINTER-COAT CHECK. I would spend way more money if I wasn’t at the point of hallucinating from spending the day in a sweat lodge.

December 11, 2012

DON’T CALL ME

I thought I was just annoyed by the fact that I could hear your shitty music loud and clear from your ear buds (how are your ears not bleeding?), but it turns out I want to drive your head into the wall because I can hear Call Me Maybe coming out of your ear buds. EAR BUDS ARE FOR KEEPING YOUR WRETCHED LIFE CHOICES TO YOURSELF.

December 1, 2012 • 167,219 notes • onlinewhore

mysecretorigin:

bilbutt-baggins:

testoster0ne:

how do woman not orgasm when inserting tampons.

like isn’t just like having sex idgi?

This sounds like a Mitt Romney diary entry.

Oh, dear…

Jesus Christ. If only it were that easy.